The Misadventures of the Great Leorio
by PineappleAndTheGang
Summary: Leorio Paladinight, a man in his 20s, with an everyday daily life. Here are some of his misadventures in his road of life... Pure crack
1. Pretty Lady

Leorio POV

Ahh, my life is (almost) complete! Thousands of pretty maid chicks, unlimited riches, a handsome face, loving subjects, and most of all, a beautiful palace for my own!

Yo, my name is Leorio Paladinight, the ruler of Yorkshin Kingdom, and the richest guy in the world! I'm currently in my 20s, and am still single. I'm looking for a beautiful, charming, and kind wife, worthy of my unlimited riches and love!

So, in order to find a woman like that, I held a Royal Ball in my palace. I invited women across nations, even from the poor nations. I'm so kind, right?!

The instant the Royal Gate opened, millions of women came swarming in. The instant they saw me, their hearts are all wrapped around my finger. Maybe that's because of my charm. I'm so awesome, right?!

In the hall, all women are fighting against each other for me. They're all screaming and shouting in order to get me.

"THAT MAN IS MINE!"

"NO, MINE!"

"SCREW YOU GUYS, HE'S MINE!"

"I bet all of you just want his riches." A soldier commented. How shameful is he! I asked the guards to escort the soldier earlier to the prison. How can he NOT realize that my handsome face is the cause of all of this massacre?! 

Still, a massacre is still a massacre. I escaped the hall, and nonchalantly walked through the hallways, and I spotted a woman standing on the balcony. She was extremely beautiful, even with her back facing me. Her singing captivated all the squirrels in the garden!

I took a closer look at her. Her long, silky black hair was tied into a low ponytail, with a pink ribbon. Her bright pink dress, which consisted of sashes, ribbons and decorations made her even more gorgeous.

_This woman is worthy of my love_,I decided. I approached her and tapped her lightly on the back. Her pretty smooth pale face turned to me…

"Leorio-kun?"

At that second, my heart stopped beating at the sight in front of me.

"I-I-ILLUMI?!"

"Wow, I never knew you had the thing for me, Leorio-kun. I insist that we get married right here, right now!"

At that, Illumi (IS HE EVEN **THE **ILLUMI?!) pulled a priest before me from outta nowhere. The priest is very short… the priest cleared his throat before saying, "I hereby pronounce you man and wife."

"WHAT THE HELL?! YOU DIDN'T EVEN ASKED ME BEFOREHAND!" I screamed at him as I grabbed his collar. I noted that his feet aren't touching the ground.

"A-a-acting violent towards a religious figure is a sin! Thou shall be punished!" the 'priest' stuttered.

"Thank you Mr. Priest! Now let us make a lot of children, my darling!" Illumi (IS HE EVEN **THE** ILLUMI?!) squealed as she (OR HE?!) dragged me down the hallways. The other women saw me and her (OR HIM?!) and tried to snatch me away from Illumi.

Unfortunately, Illumi threw needles onto their heads, and they dropped dead to the ground.

"NOOOO!" I screamed as my vision darkened.

"AHHHHH!"

I shouted as I woke up from my terrible nightmare. My nightwear (consisting of pajamas with little monkeys all over it) was drenched with sweat. My pillow was on the ground (by me... obviously) and my blanket was thrown across the room. This place looked as if a hurricane had hit it!

Someone knocked on my door. "REOLIO!1 WHY THE HELL DI DYOU WAKE US UP IN 4 AM IN THE MORNING?!" I was that assassin brat.

"SHUT THE HELL UP! I HAD A NIGHTMARE!"

I heard laughter from outside. "a nightmare? So little Leorio is scared of something that exists in the world of unconciousness?! AHAHAHAHAHHA"

I grumbled as I opened the door and chased after the brat. HE HAD NO FREAKING IDEA WHAT I WENT THROUGH!

_DING DONG!_

"Coming!" I called out to answer the door. And when I opened the door… there stood Illumi Zoldyck.

"AHHHHHHH!" I screamed. I accidently slipped on the floor while stepping back, and epically fell over in front of the guy, while he was just standing there with a straight face.

"I came to deliver Kil-chan's stash of chocolate. Mother was complaining about flies over at our house." He said as he handed me a paper bag. I accepted it, but the bag was so heavy I stumbled over and it landed on my foot. ON. MY. FOOT.

"AARGHHH!" I screamed. Illumi just stood there nonchalantly, before saying "bye" and ran home at the speed of 200 km/h. I kept screaming until Gon and Kurapika finally heard my scream and helped me.

:"Leorio, your scream is deafening! You did it this mornig too, you know?" Gon commented.

"yes, and… what was that about Killua's brother?" Kurapika asked.

I escaped from the two with the speed of 300 km/h.


	2. Doctor's Misery

**For all the readers: Thank you for reading the previous chapter!**

Leorio POV

Yawn…. I'm sleepy.

I'm currently working as a part-time doctor in a clinic in Yorkshin City. I was asked to wait for a patient to come in, but no one came. Unless you count the nurse who brought me coffee, boy she was pretty, and…

As I started to daydream about the nurse, someone came in. He had a red hair, a star on his cheeks, and a teardrop on another. I gaped.

"HISOKA?!" I shouted. He grinned.

"My, my Leorio-kun~ I never would've thought you worked here~" he said. His voice totally sounded like a pedophile's. Then again, he IS a pedophile.

"This is not a gay bar." I said with a flat tone. He widened his eyes to form sparkles in his eyes (IS THAT EVEN NORMAL) and started to tear up.

"But my Apple-chan is hanging out with Illumi-chan's little brother~ I'm so lonely~" he said again.

"WHAT THE HELL?! FIRST, GON IS NOT YOURS AND DO NOT ADD 'CHAN' TO GUY NAMES! You sound creepy doing that" I sputtered out. He just grinned all over again.

"So, what are you doing here?" I asked him.

"Oh right, I'm here to check up on my arm, since I ripped it off and reattached it so often." He said deadpanned.

Wait, ripped? I must've heard wrong.

"Well ok, show your arm to me"

He showed his arm out towards me. I lightly touched it.

His arm dropped to the floor.

"AHHHHH!" I screamed in horror. His arm started wiggling about…

"Can you see this magic trick? I discovered it one time in the Heaven's Arena!" he cracked a grin, which expanded from ear to ear. His eyes started to tear up.

After I'd had it, I showed him a mirror.

"Oh wow, how handsome is my face! I should show this to Illumi-chan~!" he managed to choke out.

"… SERIOUSLY, GO TO A HSOPITAL!" I shouted as I pushed him out of my office.

When I was about to close the door, I heard a brat scream, "MOMMY, LOOK IT'S A SMILING GHOST!"

I shrugged, and went back to my daydream about the hot nurse. Where was I…? Oh right, she had long slender legs, and…

**A/N: I don't think this is even funny… and some of you seem to like the crack-pairing Leorio/Illumi? XD**

**Reply to **_**freddiethegoat**_**: Yes, I realized that I made some typo (the '!' turning into a '1' was an epic fail for me) and my reason for that was: at that time, I was writing secretly without the knowledge of my parents, and at that time my mom was in the room, so I had to type without even looking at the document. I admit that was my fault (I didn't spell check it properly), and now that I had told my mom about it, I doubt I'll make typos like that in the future again (I hope). I think I was taking this typo thing too seriously *sweat drop* anyways, thank you for pointing that out. I appreciate your effort! **

**If I made any mistakes, please tell me! Thank you!**


	3. Special: YOU KILLED THEM!

**Hey guys, thanks for reading! Anyways, this is just some kind of special (means not really related to Leorio's daily life) and I don't think this is funny at all. Please read the A/N below!**

King Ant (**no, not Meruem**) POV

When the disaster happened, I was in the hall, with my children, my wife or the Queen, and all the government people. We were partying for our success in building a new home, in a new environment.

My children were playing, laughing, and having fun, while the Queen and I were just watching the crowd having fun.

But then suddenly, one of the soldiers barged into the hall. They were panicking.

"What reason do you have for barging into the Royal Hall?" I asked him. He turned to me..

"Y-your Highness! A-a fog, it-it" he started stuttering. "Calm yourself down, and speak properly!" I demanded. He cleared his throat, and started to talk.

"A-a fog! It came through the opening of the hole, a-and one of the soldiers touched it. H-he started to choke and died instantly!" at that, the crowd started to panic. All the children were screaming.

"EVACUATE AT ONCE!" I ordered. The soldiers saluted me, and escorted my people one by one through the evacuation escape hole.

Along with the Queen, I ushered to my children at once. All of them were shouting for help. We calmed them down, and asked them to evacuate. The fog was coming in. Just before the Queen and I were about to evacuate…

"Hey, where's Micidae?!" my Queen shouted. Micidae was our youngest son. He was just one year old. He was quite reckless and gets scared easily.

"MOMMY! DADDY!" a child shouted. "IT'S MICIDAE'S VOICE!" I noticed. My Queen instantly ran to him. He was in the corner of the room. I noticed the fog is coming too close.

"NO MY QUEEN, LET ME GET HIM!" I called out after my wife. She did not listen to me, and when she took notice of the fog, she pushed Micidae out of the way.

"RUN MICIDAE, RUN!" she shouted as she got covered by the fog. I pushed Micidae, who was in the verge of crying, to the exit. He ran away.

"Queen!" I shouted as I ran near the fog. The Queen, who was crawling out, started to choke heavily.

"Run, my dear…" she whispered with her hoarse voice as she lay dead on the ground. My heart stopped beating, as I realized the loss of my Queen. She was the love of my life. She was my shining sun. Without her, how can I ever rule my kingdom?!

"MY QUEEN!" I screamed as the poisonous fog overcame me. I started to choke, and dropped to the ground.

'_Is this what death feels like?_' I thought as sleepiness overcame me. I closed my eyes, thinking about my Queen. '_It feels so peaceful…_' I noted, as my consciousness faded away…

Normal POV

Gon started to tear up. "LEORIO! I HAD NO IDEA YOU ARE SO CRUEL!" he shouted to the man.

"Gon, he was just spraying an insect repellant at an ant's nest," Kurapika said as he tried to calm the 12-year-old down.

"B-but the Queen and King died!" he shouted. Leorio stood there confused. "What king?! These aren't chimera ants!" the man said.

"YOU KILLED THEM LEORIO! HUAAAA!" Gon started to cry. Killua, who was beside Leorio, took the insect repellant and sprayed it towards Leorio's face.

"HOW DARE YOU MAKE GON CRY!" Killua shouted.

"WHAT THE HELL BRAT?!" Leorio shouted as he chased Killua into the sunset.

"HUAAAAAAA!" Gon cried.

**I was just trying to make angst (I failed). Anyways, my exams (FINALS! OAO) are coming up, so I don't think I can update much in December. Happy (early) Christmas and New Year for you all!**


	4. The Fall

**Thanks for reading the last chapter! Enjoy!**

BRUAGH

"GROOOK~" Leorio continued to crack the windows with his ultra-snore as he lay on the floor.

Kurapika, who passed at the scene, sighed.

* * *

BRUAGH

"DAMN!" Leorio shouted. He kept cursing loudly in the early morning. He had fell from his bed.

Killua grabbed a vase, and threw it at the cursing man. This resulted in Leorio passing out, finally resuming (and enjoying) whatever he was dreaming about.

Kurapika, who picked up the remains of the poor vase laying on the ground, sighed again.

* * *

BRUAGH

CRASH

Gon woke up with the loud noise. While wearing one of his oh-so-cute pajamas, peeked inside Leorio's room.

Inside, he found a white creature wiggling on the floor, beside Leorio's bed. Apparently it had been covered with a blanket. Gon then called his best friend, Killua.

"Something was wiggling on the floor in Leorio's room! Killua, help me check it out, nee?"

The pale-haired boy sighed. He had wanted to sleep, but this is his best friend, after all.

After several arguments and a pair of puppy-eyes shining brightly at Killua, he finally agreed. He grabbed a baseball bat.

"Just in case," he said. Gon nodded. They both then headed towards Leorio's room.

When they reached the room, the wiggling creature had already wiggled its way to the other side of the room. '_Is that even possible?'_ Killua wondered.

As the 'brave adventurers' headed towards their target, it suddenly lunged forward to attack Gon. Killua, all high and mighty, added electricity current into the bat and flung it on the despicable creature's head. It froze for a second, before falling straight onto the floor.

The boys sighed in relief. Out of curiosity, they opened the blanket wrapped around the creature. They found…

"LEORIO!"

The said man's nose was running with blood. Killua's electricity turned his smooth black hair into a curly afro.

Kurapika sighed heavily.

* * *

"I'm a little worried about Leorio,"

"What do you mean?"

"Well…"

Kurapika turned his attention towards Gon, waiting for him to speak.

"Over the past week, he had been falling from his bed three times…" Gon started worriedly.

"I think that old man is in love with the floor," Killua commented. The others stared at him.

"Hey, he kissed it once!"

"Do you we should tie him on the bed?" Gon asked Kurapika.

"There's got to be some other way," Kurapika replied.

BRUAGH

CRASH

"I'll get the rope." Kurapika said as he stood up and left the room.

"… At least Leorio wouldn't have to suffer a concussion anymore!" Gon said, trying to be cheerful over an angry Kurapika.

"Just hope he won't strangle the old man with the rope." Killua muttered helpfully.

"Gon, Killua, since I can't find any rope, I'll just have to use my nen chain." Kurapika came in, his long chains trotting behind him.

"Never mind what I said."

* * *

**This popped into my mind during my test. Sometimes I just can't believe my own brain…**

**Anyways, replies to the reviews:**

**To **_**SpadePirates4Eva: **_**First of all, thank you for reviewing! The 'HAHAHAHA' part looked like a bunch of little ants (now I feel kinda bad for King and Queen ant) lining up to buy ice cream. And I checked reviews in Samsung Note 10.1 XD**

**To **_**Ria D'Arcy: **_**That one popped into my mind when my grandma crushed an ant, crazy as it sounds… Twisted sense of humor is awesome!**

**To **_**IndraniFOREVER: **_**I learned a new word! OAO Thanks~ **

**Thanks for reading guys! And thank you for the 'good luck's! **


	5. I Don't Want My Bladder to Explode!

**Enjoy!**

Leorio POV

I was just walking in the street when I suddenly felt an urge to pee. I ran straight into a clothing store, and asked the saleslady where the toilet is located.

"I'm sorry sir, but our toilet is being fixed right now."

I ran straight out of that store, and went inside a family restaurant.

"I'm sorry sir, the toilet is broken right now."

I ran into a supermarket.

The line to the toilet is too damn long! I ran out again.

I spotted a building with 5 floors across me. I ran into the building.

I went to search for the toilet on the first floor. I ran around, and finally spotted the toilet. I ran inside.

A paper with the words **'**_**We're not sorry, but the toilet is broken right now**_**' **is pasted on all of the cubicle doors. DARN IT!

I ran out and galloped to the second floor. A grandma stared at me with wide eyes before just passing out (a man ran towards her, screaming "HELP SHE'S GOT A HEART ATTACK" but I ignored them). Just when I was about to get in, an old grandpa rushed in and slammed the door on my face (MY NOSE!). I ended up waiting for him, but he's taking his sweet, sweet time.

I leaped onto the third floor. I ran and ran and ran, but the toilet wasn't even there. After 10 minutes searching, I FINALLY realized the toilet isn't even here. I proceeded to the next floor.

I finally found the toilet which wasn't occupied with anyone, have multiple cubicles in it, and isn't broken! I opened the door.

Something seemed eerie here. But I'll just ignore the feeling now. When I was about to go into the last cubicle…

"_Ihihihihihihiii_," someone laughed. And then, something smelled very VERY smelly. I quickly rushed out again.

On the next and last floor, I FINALLY managed to find a toilet. It looked pretty normal. But, but… THE QUEUE IS JUST TOO LONG! I was so angry I managed to smash the door, punch one guy in the gut, and jump out the window.

After jumping out, I landed on a bush. I looked around, and spotted a persimmon tree.

Maybe this isn't right, but this will keep my bladder from exploding in a million pieces (Just thinking about it made me shudder). I ran towards the tree and started to unzip my pants.

But then an old man hit me with his cane.

"YOU IMBECILE, THIS TREE IS THE ONLY THING THAT REMINDS ME OF MINATO-KUN! AND YOU'RE ABOUT TO PISS ON IT?!" he kept shouting out random words.

I ran from the senile man, and wandered throughout the streets. At least I'm relieved now!

Weird thing is, everyone kept staring at me. I finally noticed what's wrong when assassin brat took a picture of my pants.

IT WAS UNZIPPED!

I swear that assassin brat makes everything worse, because he's sending the picture to everyone in his contacts now (while laughing loudly, clutching his stomach).

I ran to my house, and vowed to shut myself inside for eternities.

But I wonder, who was it that was laughing in the toilet on the 4th floor...

* * *

Normal POV

"_Ihihhihihihiii_," a laughter echoed in the toilet. Leorio, looking panicked, rushed out of the toilet. The laughter lasted for a long time.

But the laughter ceased after Leorio exited the toilet.

Out of the mystery cubicle, a man with red spiky hair went out. He had a teardrop and a star painted on each side of his cheeks.

"Hehehe, that manga was hilarious!" the man stated as he walked to the sink to wash his hands.

The said man was holding a manga, titled 'Shonen Gump' in his hands. He kept snickering as he washed his hands with soap.

"I should buy more of these mangas," he said to himself as he walked out of the toilet, manga in hand.

* * *

**A VIRTUAL COOKIE TO EVERYONE WHO KNOWS THE OLD MAN! Or even Minato-kun, for that matter. ANOTHER VIRTUAL COOKIE TO PEOPLE WHO KNOWS SHONEN GUMP! What? I read Gintama!  
**

**Sorry for not updating earlier. I was busy with school and stuff, that's all. **

**Replies:**

**_SpadePirates4Eva_: The chains Kurapika used were the Conjured Chains thingies, not the Chain Jail thingies. I don't think he will die, since the wikia didn't said so.**

**_Razorblade Mistress_: Thank you for correcting my grammar mistakes! My Microsoft Word didn't catch the grammar error ^^**


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